When a child is born, most parents start a college fund. I knew better and started a Therapy Fund. From the moment Caleb was born I was pretty sure I was going to make a new mistake every day and repeat old mistakes frequently as well. It isn't that I don't have a solid parenting plan; I do. I believe in my parenting and I stand by it, but I wonder if I will look back and see that I missed something crucial. I remember so much from my early childhood and I am constantly trying to guess what bungled screw-up I make is going to stand out in Caleb's mind forever.
I believe that childhood is "life actually" not just "life in training", but I still suggest to Caleb that he is tired when he's angry because - Hello? - He's tired I can tell. But as I told my mom when I was his age, "Just because I'm tired doesn't mean I'm not actually mad." My 5 year old epiphany still comes back to haunt my memories when I dismiss his feelings for sleep deprivation instead of acknowledging them as legitimate.
I'm probably scarring him for life every time I put him down for a nap.
I can't believe how easy it is to have a baby. Not actually having the baby, I mean -- I can't believe how easy it is to keep a baby. You just get pregnant and go to the hospital and get it out of you somehow and then they just... let you take it home! No questions asked. When I adopted my dog I had to write a 4 page essay and supply the rescue with references. I had to email them pictures of my house and my backyard and I even had an interview process. Before I took Caleb home, all I had to do was go to a 15 minute Don't-Shake-The-Baby-No-Matter-What class and tell them I had a car seat. That was it.
Now that I'm in the process of forming another child, I wonder if I will be more relaxed this time around. Probably not. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm pretty high strung. I'm like the chihuahua of the people world (In terms of anxiety, not size). It's like if you put the brain of a chihuahua inside a st. bernard. Holy cow I can't believe I'm not more destructive when I put it that way.
I just realized I should double up on the automatic deposits for the kids' Therapy Funds.
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Labels: I'm a Mom