I Wear the (Maternity) Pants

I have HAD it, I am fed up! I refuse to wear normal pants any longer. It was hard for me to give in to the fact that my uterus was big enough to warrant maternity pants, but I finally have admitted to myself, the world, and the workers at the maternity store that I am showing. Maybe it was difficult because I was having a hard time with my self image even before I got pregnant, but I'm tellin' ya at 9 weeks I am WAY too pregnant to believe in fashion over function. We are all function all the time here (when we are functioning).

My husband has been pestering me to buy maternity pants for at least a week. He just couldn't stand to see me vomit every time I buttoned my normal mom jeans, and insisted that I get some new gestating mom jeans. I held on to my resolve and my sense of denial by outright refusing to even entertain the idea. This weekend was the breaking point for me. I was feeling incredibly miserable when he said, "Honey, please. You look like you feel incredibly miserable. I want to buy you something. Please, let me buy you something." It was then that I realized that I not only needed maternity pants for my own sanity, but for the sanity of those around me.

The next stop was the Motherhood Maternity store where the painfully thin, very un-pregnant, very cheerful, and extremely sympathetic employee helped me find some comfortable pants. I burst through the doors exclaiming, "Today is my last day in jeans without elastic! Ladies, bring me pants!" (True story) I happily discovered that their sizes are (wisely) based on pre-pregnancy sizes and I wear an M for "Medium", instead of an XXL for "holy cow I can't believe you are showing already look how big you are".

I looked around the store for a while and after I found some jeans I was lead to a dressing room that was already filled with the kinds of pants I said I was looking for, and even some nice shirts and sweaters to try on with them. (I knew it was all upselling, but I did appreciate trying on a whole outfit, even if I didn't intend to buy.)

I released my pregnant belly from it's denim prison and watched as it bounded forward in all its distended glory. Then I put on the maternity pants (sounds of angels singing begins and a sun ray from heaven gleams down upon my upturned face). I stepped out of the dressing room and announced to the whole store, "Oh my gosh, I haven't felt this comfortable since I took off my pajamas this morning!" (True.)

My darling husband oh-so-generously bought me the best fitting and most comfortable pants in the WORLD. Not just the free world, the WHOLE WORLD. And then, my husband, my hero, my sweet Papapotamus, also got me a nice long tank top to wear under my normal shirts until I cave and start getting maternity shirts.

Sometimes my ego can be my worst enemy. I am SO comfortable now. I wish I would have just let my husband do something nice for me instead of resisting for whatever uncovered psychological issue I was having. Sweetheart, if you're reading this and I'm still pregnant, I'd like another pair of pants and a new maternity shirt. Since you never read this, I'm probably not pregnant anymore and in that case, I would like you to bring home dinner so I don't have to cook. Okay, Love ya!

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